skip to Main Content

You Can’t Fake Happy – Yoga Husbandry Entry #6

If I could only say I’ve learned one thing having a hardcore yogi as a partner it would be this:

You can’t fake being happy.

It’s a big sentence and it’s an even bigger issue in my world, and in the world of so many people.  When I judge others I see it all the time….;)  Really though I wonder sometimes how happy people are.  Are they smiling because the they are truly having fun with the people around them?  Or is it some kind of charade being acted out in a lifelong game?

The latter can be true, I know this first hand.  Before Yoga Husbanding  I had a pretty easy life.  I had the usual childhood shit; fitting in, fights with friends, scraped knees (a lot), no one wants to have sex with me…you know life garbage.   Although for the most part my upbringing was pretty uneventful as far my eyes could see.  So I thought I was happy, that was my default.  Only choosing to do the things which made me smile and involved playing and laughing with friends.

It wasn’t until yoga and self reflection became intertwined into my life that I could see another angle on life.  I can smile a jokes from people I hate for days.  Fake it till it seems real you know?  Being a tradesmen put me into a lot of these kinds of situations, more times than should be allowed.  Spending large amounts of time with folks you do not align with is most definitely something which takes practice.  I was practiced.  At pretending.

Then yoga wifey over here decided to start adjusting her life and those people she shared it with.  No discrimination, just flat out asking if they made you happy.  Who in your life makes you happy?  I bet the list is shorter than you would think.  In no way did she start dropping friends or start cutting ties reactively, yet I watched her begin to choose.  As a close friend of mine says, it’s one of our superpowers as adults, we get to choose who we spend our time with.  We get to choose our friends.

As I watched this begin to happen, along with learning to meditate and one crazy weekend I’ll get into at a later date, I could see her true happiness begin to alter.  Her smile became as bright as ever, and if you know Kaitlin that means a lot.  Her professional life started to flourish and she was nicer to me.  Fort McMurray, where we were living at the time, became home to her.  Really?  Yes, really.  The place we had mutual annoyance for, a place we were emprisioned to make money for a few years so then we could be happy down the road.  She was starting to like it?!  This hit me for real, like a punch in the guts.  To me Fort Mac was the problem and that was just the way it was.  This act in listening to your own inner voice and asking if I was actually happy was one of the first BIG Yoga Husband moments.

Of course I said I was, on the surface.  I was making money, and working for my future, it was a manly thing to do, but the expense was my present day.  The only moments I had were being bet on the future, present life had become something I put as as after thought for this “future” I imagined.  Yet if we are honest, I may never get to see that future….morbid as shit I know, but it’s true.  We all die, get over it.

As soon as this realization came flooding in I knew something needed to change.  I could see that my life was a little off.  That I was treating my life like a coked out, loudmouthed, half drunk know-it-all at a construction site I had spent so much time “getting to know”.  I was faking it.  To be polite and make things run smoothly I was faking being happy.  I had a lot to be happy about for real, but I skipped it to look ahead to some glorious future that didn’t exist yet.

How is that ok?  I hated faking it to get along with a crazy bunch of partying roofers, so why did I accept it as my own realty now?  This was a deep punch, something had to change.  I needed to find out who I was and wanted to be, see where I went astray (which turns out to be so many more places than I could ever imagine.  There is no one day I can point to…I tried though…fail).  I needed to find a different way to relate to the world around me without blaming anyone or anything.  I had a choice to make.  I could be “happy” and never feel truly at ease or I could make myself super uncomfortable for a period of time and feel a deeper happiness, even in Fort McMurray.

How I did this is not important.  That’s because I am still trying to figure out.  Over the years I have changed all sorts of things; jobs; friends; hobbies; music tastes; clothes….   Over and over I am reminded that joy is not outside of me.  My super power of choosing, and not just friends, just choosing happiness and lightness, is getting stronger, although it fails me all the time.  It’s a new power and I am trying to use it wisely, sometimes it gets all fucked up and I hurt someone I didn’t mean to, or I wake up and realize I had turned a new world into a fake shell of happiness, again.   That doesn’t work either, faking that your not faking to be happy.  One faking doesn’t cancel the other faking, trust me.

Where does this leave me?

Right here.

I am confronted by this happiness thing even more now that I am trying to build a business.  Being an entrepreneur is something that takes a working moral compass.  A way to navigate ideas and choices in such a manner that it good for you AND the business.  It is NOT easy.  Trying to put your financial well being on something you love to do is not for the faint of heart, I want to quit all the time.  All I am doing is working, I find it exhausting.  I also find it exhilarating and freeing.  I get to choose my own schedule, but that means I don’t get to blame anyone or anything for not getting done, but I fucking try! Kaitlin can attest to that…sorry love.

Being a Yoga Husband makes me happy.  This I do know.  It makes me furious and scared and uncomfortable and happy.  I get to grow and feel accomplished by waking up, by being present (when it actually happens..) I get to be grateful, deeply grateful, for today and the coffee in my cup or the sun outside.

You can’t fake that…

This Post Has 55 Comments
  1. Hello there I am so glad I found your webpage, I really
    found you by accident, while I was browsing on Google for
    something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a incredible post and a all round
    enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it
    all at the minute but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time
    I will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the great job.

  2. I do not even know how I stopped up here, but I believed this submit used to be great.
    I don’t know who you’re but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you happen to
    aren’t already. Cheers!

  3. Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s
    on a totally different topic but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!

  4. I just like the helpful information you supply on your articles.
    I will bookmark your blog and test once more here frequently.
    I’m relatively sure I’ll be told plenty of new stuff right right here!
    Good luck for the following!

  5. Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my
    blog to rank for some targeted keywords but
    I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share.
    Kudos!

  6. Fantastic goods from you, man. I have take into accout your stuff previous to and you’re
    just too great. I actually like what you have got right here, certainly like what you’re saying and the best way by which you are saying it.
    You make it entertaining and you continue to care for to stay it sensible.
    I can’t wait to learn far more from you. That is
    actually a terrific website.

  7. I don’t know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else experiencing issues with your
    blog. It seems like some of the text in your posts are running
    off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and
    let me know if this is happening to them too? This might be a problem with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously.
    Kudos

  8. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting
    my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get setup?
    I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
    I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% sure.
    Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Kudos

  9. What’s up i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this post i thought i could also
    make comment due to this brilliant paragraph.

  10. Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared
    to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of.
    I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they plainly do
    not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the
    top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal.
    Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  11. It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
    I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some
    interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this
    article. I wish to read more things about it!

  12. Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic.
    Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My web site looks weird when viewing from my iphone.
    I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this problem.

    If you have any recommendations, please share.

    Many thanks!

  13. A person essentially assist to make severely articles I would state.
    This is the very first time I frequented your web page and up to now?
    I amazed with the analysis you made to create this actual put up amazing.

    Fantastic process!

  14. Hi I am so thrilled I found your site, I really found you by error, while I
    was browsing on Digg for something else,
    Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thank you for a tremendous post
    and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I
    don’t have time to read it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and
    also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to
    read a great deal more, Please do keep up the
    superb work.

  15. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
    this matter to be really something that I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  16. Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to
    your website? My website is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would definitely benefit from a lot of the
    information you provide here. Please let me know if this okay with you.

    Thank you!

  17. Generic Zithromax (Azithromycin) Kamagra Oral Jelly Buono Buy Doxycycline 30 Pills [url=http://cialibuy.com]Cialis[/url] Generique Amoxicillin Pharmacie Au Rabais Nouveau Brunswick Amoxicillin Wine Low Dose Viagra

  18. Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue with your web site in internet explorer,
    could test this? IE nonetheless is the marketplace chief and a
    huge element of people will miss your wonderful writing
    because of this problem.

  19. Hi, I do believe this is an excellent web site.
    I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to return yet again since i have book marked it.
    Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you
    be rich and continue to help other people.

  20. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert
    that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.

  21. Viagra Vs Generic Mebendazole Order Generic Tadalis Sx Soft [url=http://cialibuy.com]Buy Cialis[/url] Canadian Pharcharmies Lasix In Canada Methylprednisolone Online Sales

  22. I just couldn’t go away your web site before suggesting that I extremely
    loved the usual information a person provide for your visitors?
    Is gonna be back regularly in order to inspect new posts

  23. Having read this I believed it was extremely enlightening.
    I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this information together.

    I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and posting comments.

    But so what, it was still worth it!

  24. I do not know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else experiencing issues with your site.
    It appears like some of the written text on your content
    are running off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let
    me know if this is happening to them too? This might be a issue with my web
    browser because I’ve had this happen before. Appreciate it

  25. Do you have a spam problem on this site; I also am a
    blogger, and I was curious about your situation; many of us have developed some nice practices and we are looking to trade strategies with other folks,
    be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

Comments are closed.