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Spring starts in the dirt

When I sit quietly, on my porch listening to the birds announce spring here on Vancouver Island, the peace and tranquility is a necessary balm for all the noise and fear being woven into our new collective narrative.
I feel ready to bloom, earned from the time dedicated to overturning my attachments to how it was and digging up any remnants of denial. I am allowing the frustration and sadness to pour out of me in the form of sweat from the work I was willing to do to prepare my inner terrain for a new beginning.
I now pause.
Breathe in the space I have cultivated from the solitude I have been willing to know.
And I am clear like the blue skies after months of cloud and rain.  I am renewed.
Now I pause to look over my freshly manured garden of possibilities and reflect on what seeds I would most love to nourish to life.
The bounty is within my willingness to conceive it, feel it into creation and experience it. I listen to my wonder and I am guided to plant less rows and more wildness. I show up dedicated, morning and night, to the practice of nourishing, watering, praying, and gestating the emergence of a new way of being I know I am capable of in the truth I allow to be more bravely expressed. I build thicker and stronger stalks, I expand my leaves to be energized by the weathers both sun and rain, the pleasurable and the uncomfortable. And with my commitment to my bloom, not a moment too soon, I will get to bask in the hard work at last.
I am my fullness in expression for a time, until the seasons of change come once again and I must let die what was once my greatest experience yet. Because all things must rise and fall, live and then die, even who we think we are. How we think it should be. It must be wilted and withered. And we must once again reflect on the pause in between what we thought we knew and what we might learn when we are willing to release the old.
This extended season of winter (social distancing) meeting spring is our opportunity to reflect, to churn the dirt, to take stock of what has been neglected, what needs fertilizing and where we have yet to explore. This is our chance get clear on our intentions, what joys we want to nourish and what judgments we want to drain.  We can change our relationship to our jobs, our family, and most all encompassing, our time that is so fleeting especially when lived unfulfilled.
This yearning for change has gone viral.  Why not take the time to sit still, tune inward so we can make this our most sincere springing to life yet.

We are of nature. Nurtured and sustained by her. Her children never weaned.

 

We must remember we are to give back. To sparkle. To honour her generous gift of life. To cycle alongside her. To renew after a dark cold winter. To grow into a new form of being. More innately conpassionate for ourselves and eachother and less virulent to what we don’t understand or what we aren’t willing to learn.

Do the work to be more yourself. And let everyone have permission to do them too

Lets take time offline, to align with our divine nature yearning to be felt and expressed.

Lets take a step back from all our problems so we can see them without so much emotion. Let emotion be the wake up call it is. An opportunity to shed the dead weight of who we thought we were to be in our hearts fully. To grow beyond our attachments. To evolve beyond our stale perspectives.

Pay attention to the behaviours that are a result of fear embodied.  Pause.  Breathe and bravely take a metaphorical jack hammer to those cemented patterns of resentment, and entitlement.

Power down the devices promoting our  cultural dis-ease of drama, dread, and martyrdom and instead power up a mountain side for a zoomed out perspective.

Repeat after me: “I return to the woods of my lungs breathing,  the water well of my being to quench my thirst for wholeness unfolding. Out of my depression I see clearly. I am liberated by the love I am willing to embody. Harmony is free. In the arms of Mother Nature and those I love.”

Let us shake off this belief that life is happening to us.

Let us stand true in our nature to create a world in which we don’t need to judge another to validate our own repressed feelings and dreams unrealized.

I see now. It’s been there the whole time. I just didn’t want to listen. I was too caught up. In the mind grasping. The noise I chose. Instead of the quiet. The place in my being of now, my presence in expression.

It’s new territory. To hold it beyond the mindset of achieving my worthiness and my conditioned consumption practices. To just be with myself. In all the mundane moments. In all the in betweens. There will always be the distractions. The pleaser or the victim. The drama in the trauma. But right now. Fully here.

Now

Here now here now here now here now here now here.

Open see taste touch feel smell and be. The sixth sense. Be. Breathe.  Be.  Breathe

Be indulgent in our connection to what lights us up. To that joy which prunes greed, trims gossip and discards envy because we deserve all, each and everyone to experience the love we are willing to open to within the truth of our lives that have always been uncertain.

So I bask in the places I know will bring me back to the preciousness of this fleeting life.

I will sit in the depths of my hearts caverns and expand into bloom, a radiance that will reach beyond the fear I no longer buy into.

There is a deeper relationship to faith that can be stabilized in this time when we are willing to feel into our body’s and the ‘now’ of our experience, to flow with the nature of life.  That it will challenge us. And in turn will humble our misguided sense of outward control and to tune us back inward to the source of what it means to be secure because we learned resourcefulness in the solutions we found.  It is a practice of allowing our inquiries to grow from the soils of enthusiasm and awe rather than disdain and greed.

I am fascinated by the joy this time is bringing to my family, unplanned and unscheduled agendas that are shaped by a rhythm we decide in each moment from the heart of our matters and it so reminds me of the freedom I felt living in the motorhome not that long ago. That this way of being isn’t outside of me or isolated to a specific situation, it is within me to embody and shape by my intuitive willingness to claim my own design.
I have spent most of my time away from the social media and news sites, mostly because I am called to really listen inward. To remain gaze wide like when my eyes capture the ocean meeting the mountains of the mainland and I can’t help but feel totally at peace. To embrace the truth of my reality rather than someone else’s in New York City or Italy, and respectfully honour them in the space I am willing to take from it all and the gratitude I can offer to those on the front lines.  To appreciate each day in the expression of grace for all that I have – honouring this precious life in a way that I can crawl into bed each day wrapped in the warmth of the many blessings I am willing to celebrate.

This virus is an opportunity to change our relationship to our GDP, our Mother Earth and eachother. A reminder to appreciate the power of a pause, the time for reflection. An opportunity to respect our impermanent nature, like the seasons, so we might fully live now. Reborn in loving kindness to reclaim our interconnectedness.

I will leave you with my prayers.  My prayer practice has really grown as a staple of how I face my fears, since getting pregnant with Rosie.  Any time a thought of fear comes in, I breathe deeply into a prayer that helps to melt the grip and satiate the anxiety that takes me from the present moment and after several repetitions the illusion fades into this moment of here and now.

May I love so fully. Not hold a single laugh or cry back. jump into the unknown as it always has been, the magic I earn when I appreciate my small insignificance and equally honour my unique curiosity to express and explore outside of the conditions my rows of desks and regurgitated answers honour roled me with.
May I spread my wings, all the harbouring of self doubt and insecurity between my shoulder blades to prove I am worthy disintegrated in the alchemization of meeting now with a perspective of wow am I ever blessed to see views of such magnificence. I am ready to soar because I chose courage now over familiar tomorrow.
May I remain reverent to the mystery of this unfolding; the past and future only exist if I carry that weight and baggage with me.
May I be freed to be all of me, shadows too, in the light of my reason for being, a wonder I will have to greet as my enthusiasm guides me to write my life story one unedited paragraph at a time.
May I reclaim the muse of my creative womb, trust her cycle as a declaration of bold wisdom to respect the season I am in. The winter of quietude is equally as essential as the bounty of fruits in the summer. Likewise My fears are just an opportunity to Feel more fully my aliveness and when I am earnest in bravely stepping towards them, I will learn more about who I am capable of being.
May I appreciate my abundant running water, my stocked fridge and the warm house I live, all of it from the effort of a system I often take for granted and even nit pick because I allow my ego to hostage the truth for a hit of ‘I am right’, to mask my fear of failing.
May I offer my compassion instead of judgement, my kindness instead of resentment, my generosity instead of greed and my sincerity instead of scarcity.
May I learn to bask in external change as the only constant and the blessing of surprises I could not predict. My love will keep me anchored for eternity on the inside.
May I discern grace from guilt, my truth from your truth and awe from striving.
May this time bring all beings more love and peace in their hearts because they were willing to feel the possibility that it has always been there.
I will hug you again soon, but until then, know my love knows no time or space boundaries and is radiating from my dedicated heart to yours every day,
I love you.
Kaitlin
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