skip to Main Content

Growing Yoga Pains and Gains

I had yoga up on this pedestal for many years because it felt so important to who I was becoming and so essential to why I was even exploring myself beyond what I had been modelled growing up.  It was like a famous person walked in the room everytime I would complete another session basking in savasana with the sense of awe for all I my numb spots thawing out and equal nervousness for all the fears and doubts I had yet to face.  I had some how got lost along the way in the flashing lights of other peoples cameras that captured me in their viewpoint and I wanted so badly for them to see what they wanted to see in me.  I realized slowly in the dedication of another practice finished that I was still focused on the achievement of it all.   I was lying to myself and everyone else around me wanting the world to only see what I thought would validate me as enough.  Yoga let me see this for myself.  And that beginner Moksha Sequence was so relevant to my needs of needing something extremely predictable to begin the process of truly feeling the parts of my self that were so volatile in the jungle of venomous beliefs inside me.  The repetition allowed me space to feel beyond the noise outside to hear some of the taunts and terrors I had kept busy to avoid on the inside.  I was sincerely lost but yet the practice gave me a stable ground to feel more of history,  reveal more of my repressed dreams and bask more often in appreciation for the moment right in front of me.

Looking back I see a baby showing up to the mat who eventually learned to roll over and see the world from a new vantage point.  And this lead to a movement, although inefficient and slow, towards a more heart curious aspect of my own experience.  The creeping found crawling in the form of becoming a yoga teacher also in its infancy and I began to need more territory to explore and more challenges to overcome.  For me this looked like creating sequences outside of the confines of the crib I had started in.  Because I was living in the  frozen North isolated from the yoga culture that was building steam at such a tsunami pace, I some how wasn’t caught up in any of the opinions, judgements, comparisons or limitations that comes with anything mainstream.  I was able to create in collaboration with other timid yoga toddlers a space where we practiced and taught uninhibited by any rules.  Our metaphorical yoga backyard was vast in space to run and luscious in tress to climb and stimulated by other kids in which to play.  It was a sanctuary of creative expression that allowed our first steps into being more honest versions of our unique selves uninhibited by too many rules or restrictions.  And combined with all the wonderful trainings and workshops I travelled to attend in different perspectives and deliveries of how yoga has been embodied, I was blessed to always return back to my safe cocoon to filter and forage what fundamental aspects of each perspective awoke the passionate parts inside of me that would nurture fresh and hydrating fruits for my continued growth into creating my own version of why yoga mattered to me.  My fellow yogi friends “that lived on my street” were so much fun to adventure dynamic dream worlds that became our realities in the form of life changing yoga teacher trainings, retreats to exotic places, events that brought together spiritual and artistic underworld of our industrial town, and established bonds with each other and our community that leveraged a shift expansive in possibility.  We encouraged and celebrated each other without needing to compare one and other for our unique way of relating to yoga.  And this truly was the so much like the long summer days as a kid when school was on break and each day was full of innovative exploration,  boundary pushing thrill and unstoppable laughter.

But as you know like when you were a kid, school would go back in to session with the seasons changing and it would be time to sink or swim in the sea of hormones that was the initiation into teenage hood.  A messy, dramatic and intensely insightful time into who, how, why and when you would spend your time, chose your friends and develop your character.  This in my yoga evolution was moving to a big city with a yoga studio on every second block and a level of underlying and unspoken competition.  And this is where I also inevitably felt my yoga pedastal crumble in front of me just as when I was a teenage girl finding out my coach wasn’t the amazing man I convinced myself he was or that my dad didn’t have all the answers. My perceptions shattered that these people weren’t heroes, they were just people doing their best with what they knew how.  At first I wanted to hold a grudge and quit yoga just like I wanted to resent my coach and quit the sport all together.  But I built too many wonderful relationships to walk away so immaturely.  And I decided to create a new way of being with my yoga career and practice all together that allowed me to hold full accountability in my hardwork or lack their of at times, for the results of my life around me.  And my love of yoga began to mature into something more symbiotic and founded in balance.

Business and yoga need some more life experience just like I did as a teenager when I thought I knew better than my parents.  The thing is alot of the time I did know better but only for what was better for me, and I just wanted to have permission to express me honestly but that was not always met with love or praise or support.  All of the adults around me were placing expectations and perspectives on me in a way that felt like I was drowning sometimes in the need to be enough.  My experience of being a yoga teacher in franchised studios with owners like parents that all had their own unique set of conditions triggered the part of me that I had abandoned back in my teens.  And this time, in meeting this same tight spot, I wanted to make a different choice.  I wanted to honour my own unique voice, expression and perspective on life as I stepped into the adult I wanted to be and knew underneath I always was. I deeply respect and appreciate all of what those daring yoga leaders and teachers were doing too, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.  So out of deep gratitude and genuine admiration, I decided to bravely seek out places and spaces and community’s that were open minded to what I was excited to share.

This brings me to now, the moment of full commitment to myself and my heart over what others will think or how they will receive me.  Not from this fuck you, I am angry place, but from this deeply loving and inspired to live “my life” to the fullest kind of way.  Where I cherish and hold sincerely the teachings that inform a yogi’s life.

Ahimsa – beyond the judgments and harm that come with being human I am dedicated to loving myself and others unconditionally,

Satya – I am willing to be vulnerable in the truth even when I have to admit I am wrong or change direction because someone’s else opinion doesn’t resonate,

Asteya – I am more than enough and there is more than enough so I don’t need to steal a single second from my life’s greatest calling,

Bramacharya – focusing more efficiently to direct my energy more positively through my thoughts, words and actions,

Aprarigraha – not attached to the outcome or destination rather enjoying the journey and moving through life from the heart of myself rather than from needing certain result.

This is what yoga means to me more than the poses made up by someone in a stamp of time in a set of circumstances very different from my own or the specifics of alignment designed for another persons body, or the particular sequence of poses that were developed as brilliant duplicable and accessible business models.  And in me saying this, I do not think those things are bad… my introduction to yoga and the amazing teachers I have learned from are all holding or sharing those viewpoints and that have influenced the bright hearted person I continue to become.  But this practice has lead me to outgrow it in its need to be a certain form of movements or breath cues and inspired me to feel free in my soul to love it all for where it has gotten me so far.

As I continue to practice meeting myself silently at the edge of the ocean or the sit cushion beside my bed, I upload the bullshit to send to trash and download the gratitude of my experience of opportunities unlimited.  My niyama force is strong as I take full responsibility for my own life.  I saucha the shit out of my mind so my heart can shine in the purification that comes in commitment to a clean house and picking up the plastic I come across as I stroll the beaches.  Santosha contentedly has found me living my life in the satisfaction of the choices I consciously am making and the outcomes that it brings comfortable and uncomfortable, challenging and fluid, magical and mundane.  My tapas is on fire with the discipline that comes more naturally when I am ignited by the fuel my own inner purposefulness that mostly looks different than what I was taught.  I svadhyaya step by stage everyday I turn the page in my self study to be humbled again by how much I don’t know and will continue for all of eternity to learn and grow.  My biggest struggle is in the surrender to Ishvara Pranidhana, the faith and divine unfolding, yet somehow when I am fully enveloped in its sweet embrace its all I know to be true and so I continue the journey of my practice that has brought me here in my adulthood of yoga that appears long and arduous, yet enlightening and absolutely fulfilling.  And it is here that I have birthed my child Body Intelligence yoga.  My first baby.  And my most sincere reflection of what I have learned and continue to learn.

Of course this isn’t the end of my yoga evolution, its just where I am now, building strong integrity in who I am and why I do what I do.  And as I step into parenthood, with my business, my students and my own baby growing inside, I am empowered in my intuition, the lessons I have learned and the power of my reality asking me to keep stretching my capacity to love beyond conditions, trust beyond the circumstances I try to control and appreciate as much of each breath and beat I get to enjoy.

And I hope that my own realizations, experiences and perspectives might offer you support and encouragement on your own journey.

May yoga offer you a place to express freely, to explore unashamedly and to reinvent boldly the life you wish to lead.  May you find gratitude for all the pains you suffered, forgiveness for all the blames you projected and acceptance for all the parts of you, bored and inspired, numb and desired, dishonest and enlightened.

May this practice allow you space to know who you truly are and what you have to say, so that you can share it with the world and make it a better place.

Kaitlin xox



This Post Has 164 Comments

  1. Non Generic Viagra Propecia Bobrek [url=]cialis cheapest online prices[/url] Cialis Ohne Wirkung Pastilla Cialis Efectos

  2. Right here is the perfect website for anyone who really wants
    to find out about this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost tough to argue with
    you (not that I really would want to…HaHa).

    You certainly put a brand new spin on a topic which has been written about for years.

    Great stuff, just excellent!

  3. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this website.

    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s hard to get that
    “perfect balance” between superb usability and visual appearance.
    I must say you’ve done a amazing job with this. In addition,
    the blog loads extremely fast for me on Safari.
    Exceptional Blog!

  4. I absolutely love your website.. Very nice colors & theme.
    Did you make this site yourself? Please reply back
    as I’m attempting to create my own personal blog and want to know
    where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.

  5. Good day! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but
    after looking at some of the articles I realized it’s new to
    me. Anyhow, I’m certainly pleased I stumbled upon it
    and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

  6. Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images
    on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem
    on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feedback would
    be greatly appreciated.

  7. hello!,I like your writing very much! percentage we keep in touch extra approximately your post on AOL?
    I need a specialist in this house to solve my problem.
    May be that’s you! Having a look forward to see

  8. Just want to say your article is as amazing. The clarity on your submit is simply excellent and
    that i could suppose you are a professional in this subject.
    Fine together with your permission let me to seize your feed to keep updated with imminent post.
    Thanks one million and please continue the enjoyable work.

  9. Helpful information. Lucky me I discovered your
    website unintentionally, and I am shocked why this coincidence didn’t took place in advance!

    I bookmarked it.

  10. Thanks a lot for sharing this with all people you really recognise what
    you are talking approximately! Bookmarked. Please additionally consult with my site =).
    We will have a hyperlink exchange agreement among us

  11. Hi! I’ve been following your weblog for a long time now and finally got the courage to go
    ahead and give you a shout out from Lubbock Tx!
    Just wanted to tell you keep up the great work!

  12. What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I
    have found It positively helpful and it has aided me out loads.

    I am hoping to give a contribution & aid other users like its aided me.
    Great job.

  13. Good day! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
    There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content.

    Please let me know. Cheers

  14. Boa tarde tudo joia? adorei do seu post, bem interessante se pensamos da maneira como você expressou. É verdade que vinga uma hora em que devemos cortar as asas e desassistir. É difícil mas será conveniente para a criatura que vai saber com seus desacertos e acertos. Um vasto abraço amigo.

  15. Hello, i think that i saw you visited my blog so i came to return the choose?.I’m trying to in finding issues to enhance my website!I assume its good enough to use
    a few of your ideas!!

  16. Heya! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone!

    Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts!
    Keep up the fantastic work!

  17. I do not know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your website.

    It appears like some of the text on your content are running off the
    screen. Can someone else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as
    well? This might be a problem with my internet browser because I’ve had this happen previously.
    Appreciate it

  18. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the
    future and it is time to be happy. I have learn this put up and if I could I want to recommend you few fascinating things or
    advice. Perhaps you could write next articles relating to this article.

    I wish to learn more issues approximately it!

  19. of course like your web-site but you have to test the spelling on quite
    a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very troublesome to
    tell the reality then again I’ll surely come again again.

  20. I was curious if you ever thought of changing the page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  21. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme
    of this site. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s difficult to get
    that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and visual appeal.
    I must say you have done a amazing job with this. Also, the blog loads extremely fast for me on Internet explorer.
    Outstanding Blog!

  22. Magnificent site. Plenty of helpful information here. I’m sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious.
    And certainly, thanks in your sweat!

  23. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your website?

    My blog is in the very same niche as yours and my visitors
    would truly benefit from a lot of the information you provide here.

    Please let me know if this alright with you. Thanks!

  24. It’s not my first time to pay a visit this web site, i am browsing this site dailly and get fastidious data from here all the time.

  25. Levitra Viagra Cialis Test Priligy Generico Farmacia Acheter Dapoxetine En Ligne [url=]generic cialis canada[/url] Que Es El Viagra Femenino Vyvanse Online Acquistare Cialis Prezzo

  26. Hiya very nice web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb ..

    I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds also?
    I’m satisfied to search out so many useful information right here in the post, we want develop more strategies in this regard,
    thank you for sharing. . . . . .

  27. you’re really a good webmaster. The site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece. you have done a fantastic job on this topic!

  28. Healthy Man Viagra Scam Puedo Tomar Cialis En Ayunas Online Pharmacy Bactrim Ds [url=]cialis vs viagra[/url] Amoxicillin Breastfeeding Or Nursing Amoxicilina Canada Free Shipping Secure Ordering Zentel Eskazole Can I Purchase

  29. Kamagra C Est Quoi Cialis Simili Female Viagra Pill [url=]generic cialis overnight delivery[/url] Sutrico Propecia

  30. Hello, Neat post. There is a problem together with your
    website in web explorer, would check this? IE still is the market leader and a large portion of folks will miss your fantastic writing due to this problem.

  31. Hello, i believe that i saw you visited my web site so i came
    to go back the choose?.I am attempting to find issues
    to enhance my site!I assume its ok to make use of
    a few of your ideas!!

  32. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before
    but after going through a few of the articles I realized it’s
    new to me. Anyhow, I’m certainly pleased I discovered it and
    I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!

  33. Have you ever thought about creating an ebook or guest authoring on other sites?
    I have a blog centered on the same subjects you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my readers would appreciate your work.
    If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.

  34. I believe this is one of the so much significant information for me.
    And i’m happy reading your article. But should statement on few
    normal things, The site taste is wonderful, the articles is in point of fact excellent : D.
    Good process, cheers

  35. Hi, I do believe this is a great website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I’m going
    to revisit yet again since I saved as a favorite it.
    Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you
    be rich and continue to help other people.

  36. Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was
    a amusement account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you!
    However, how could we communicate?

  37. Amazing blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my
    blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your design.

  38. I’m excited to find this web site. I need to to thank you for
    your time for this particularly fantastic read!! I definitely savored every bit of
    it and I have you bookmarked to check out new things
    on your blog.

  39. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it
    is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest
    you some interesting things or advice. Perhaps you can write next
    articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about

  40. Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I in finding It truly helpful &
    it helped me out a lot. I’m hoping to give something back and aid others like you helped me.

  41. You made some really good points there. I looked on the net to learn more about the issue and found most
    people will go along with your views on this web site.

  42. Hello, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious
    if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  43. We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our entire community will be thankful to you.|

  44. I think this is one of the most significant info for me. And i am glad reading your article.
    But wanna remark on some general things, The site style is wonderful, the articles is really great :
    D. Good job, cheers

  45. You actually make it seem so easy along with your presentation however
    I find this topic to be actually something which I feel I would by no
    means understand. It sort of feels too complicated and extremely large for me.
    I’m having a look forward in your next submit, I will attempt to get the cling of it!

  46. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading?

    I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or
    if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

  47. I like the helpful information you provide in your articles.

    I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently.
    I am quite sure I’ll learn lots of new stuff right
    here! Good luck for the next!

  48. Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and
    starting a new project in a community in the same niche.

    Your blog provided us beneficial information to
    work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  49. Thank you for another informative site. Where else could
    I am getting that kind of information written in such
    an ideal method? I have a project that I’m
    simply now operating on, and I have been at the glance
    out for such information.

  50. Usually I do not read article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do so!
    Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, quite great

  51. Wonderful beat ! I wish to apprentice whilst you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a weblog web site?
    The account aided me a applicable deal. I were a
    little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright transparent idea

  52. A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment. I
    believe that you should publish more on this subject matter, it might not be
    a taboo subject but typically people don’t discuss these subjects.

    To the next! Many thanks!!

  53. Hi! I could have sworn I’ve visited this web site before but after browsing
    through a few of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m certainly delighted I stumbled upon it
    and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!

Comments are closed.