Change Will Have It’s Way With Us
The sky clouded in smoke so dense I can’t see across the lake.
I thought I was out in the wild and woods where those woes were untouchable.
The fires so far south seemingly not my jurisdiction have once again crept in to remind me that this is all our earth to protect.
My mind cleared in the stillness of no service, and yet it serves me the most honest in the haze of the truth of our world fuming from our disconnect.
I am more connected out here with no connection to anything but what’s right in front of me.
Away from the internet to dial into my inter-web of life giving, soul filling, freedom calling home in the forest.
I swim naked in the water, it’s not shameful here to be of my body and of my nature.
I walk barefoot over the rocks and dirt and feel my belonging beyond an address or stellar career.
I sleep deeply, dreams so vivid I can’t wait to release from the control I so ignorantly pretend to behold.
I create so boldly, I make words my mystery embraced in coeur-iosity,
I make movement my poetry encased in breathe,
and I make play my offering graced by the daughter I never thought I would be so blessed to watch laugh.
I understand I must return to the city now. To leave this sanctuary of sweet peace and bring its wisdom of my being remembering its home.
I am of this land before cement and of this generosity before strip malls.
I am reminded how little I need to be a whole lot of happy and complete.
And so the winedy ride towards the lights and noise makes me question the claims we make as human-centred egos consuming our home on earth into a hole in the open pit mined, cleared cut, aquifer drained collapse of inhumane for most and majesty for the few.
How do I exist within this system? How do I live in harmony with the earth in which I know I am?
How do I make a living believing my debt is to the bank when I see its to this planet I continue to reject as my own?
How do I go to work and build my career without planting trees, protecting eocystems, endangered orcas and transforming lawns into gardens for all?
My heart is called to gather and weave a web of brave people who see our earth cry for our collabor-ability. There is nothing more to compete for other than the truth of our collective coming together connected as locally grown and gifted, never have we once been a commodity to be sold.
As I re-enter the density of electronically charged and dysregulated, I can’t see the smiles of the children. School day end, kids flood the street masked from their expressions and eyes down, glued to a screen. It feels as eerie as the sun not poking out from the clouds for months on end. They, we, us have been hypnotized into separation, isolation, and miscommunication of a world that is not really real.
Unphased in the mirky haze on the outside to fit in but there is a ember crackling under the surface, an anger caged. The smoke blows past their ears, their fury unheard, muffled by the confusion of a restitution they will later have to claim. This is, after all, theirs to inherit one day soon.
As I pull into the driveway, I come to learn our neighbourhood has changed status to sub-division. It’s us against them, walls so high and concrete so hard, a narrow view of what we deem appropriate or assume to know, there is no more life giving wild diversity allowed to grow. The furnace of fear fueling distrust stealing our neighbourly sharing and mutual respect.
I feel my own fear in the fear of my communities nestled in the most healthy abundant environment on this planet left, unable cherish what we have. Striving for something outside of ourselves and insecure inside of our own expressions, our hearts locked up tight afraid someone might break in. Suffocating under the weight of trying to do it all, disheveled by the unattainable reign over the many. We have traded in ease for hard by complicating our nature in blame and dis-ease. So ‘civilized’ we have forgotten to breathe in the trees and know them as our lungs,
so desperate for speed we have gambled our bounty of healthy soils into desertified spoils of drought and monocropped monopolies.
So convenienced in plastic, up to our deepest oceans we can no longer sense the endocrine disrupting toxins killing our loved ones to cancers and so abused we continue to poison ourselves with war chemicals of mass destruction.
There is so many wonderful aspects of our collective progress, and yet we have no time to enjoy a single moment of our stressed out, fast paced, overlook the homeless cause it’s there lack of effort and overbook the schedule because it’s my bills paid or my house taken away.
This isn’t working for us.
This disparity between that peaceful space out there and this angsty place we live here has got me wondering where can I offer more loving harmony.
Thank goodness for my little girls giggle, still so bright and so free, it penetrates my defensive shoulders and melts my hardened jaw stuck in the freight and appalled. There is so much to be grateful for, so much love to dole out, so much joy to nurture and so much pain to expand from.
Yes my heart is breaking. But I know it’s breaking open. And yes it feels so painfully uncomfortable. uncertainly uncontainable. But I know this isn’t always, change will have its way with all of us.